Simone, Tell Me About Your Big But
I don't know if it was because of hormones or what, but I was a little less patient with the crowd yesterday than usual. And it wasn't even the Yankee fans who irritated me (we were fortunate not to have been sitting near any of them). Here is a list of people who grind my gears at baseball games.
I enjoy a couple of beers at the park. Baseball, beer, hot dogs (veggie dogs, in my case) - it's all good. But, what I don't understand is getting shnockered by the 2nd half of the first inning. And there is always some person who is either comatosed in their seat or totally belligerent.
These women don't come to the game with the intention of watching it. They may not know much about baseball at all. They spend most of their time in the ladies room, touching up their makeup and gossiping about how "Chah-lie was checkin' me out." The sign says FENway, not RUNway, ladies! Aren't there better places you can take your fake tans and boobs?
I don't text people unless I have to. No matter how far along the technology has come, I still find it to be rather clunky. But I understand that I am in the minority. Especially at Fenway Park, where Jacoby can't steal a base without hordes of people reaching for their phones to text someone who is obviously desperately waiting for an update. You can put cell phone people in this category, too. Why pay for super expensive seats when all you are going to do is spend 9 entire innings talking on the phone?
Baseball and kids are a natural combination. When you see a little boy or girl at the game for the first time, you get all excited for them, knowing that this is a really special experience. All of their favorite players are going to be standing on the field in front of them. I think, though, that your average 3-month-old infant might not understand why it's so loud and windy. I am always so amazed when I see moms and dads bringing babies that can fit in the palm of one's hand to the game, along with all the crazy equipment that goes along with the baby. How can you even fit that stuff in the aisle? Is it really worth it?
"So, like, I was all, huh? And she was all, what?" These people kill me. There is an exciting play about to unfold and here they are in some intense conversation about who the hell knows. The funny thing is, they seem to get annoyed with everyone in their section when they respond to the game. Like we are all interrupting their little chat. How rude we are!
The Beach Ball
Not a person, technically, but what is the point of this?
One of the most disappointing experiences is bonding with the fan next to you, only to find out later in the game that they are a homophobe (or a racist). I hate those "Jeter Sucks A-Rod" t-shirts or whatever, too. Why do grown men (or anyone for this matter) still feel the need to insult people by throwing out homophobic slurs? It's embarrassing and hurtful. News Flash: No one is impressed!
Maybe this person is part Drunky McGee. You know who I am talking about, right? The first jab is an accident. Maybe they apologize, maybe they don't. The second time you feel the elbow jerk you in the arm, you start wondering. Pretty soon, they almost cause you to spill your beverage because there just isn't enough space to accomodate all of the insane hand gestures they are using to express themselves to the person next to them.
Feel free to share your favorite baseball game attendees.