Touch Your Fear, Don't Be Afraid

I've spent the last few weeks in a mental typhoon. At first, I was devastated to learn that educational publishing is being impacted so strongly by this economic crisis and that my job security had fallen victim to it. I then started thinking that this could be an opportunity in disguise for me to finally devote time and energy to Stella Marie. I began getting excited about this, especially as my friends and family encouraged me. A person like me doesn't have the luxury of a trust fund, a breadwinner (I am the breadwinner, actually), or lottery winnings (Although, I should confess that my co-workers and I have been playing it for the past few weeks. I am not much of a gambler, but hey), therefore I was caught in this cycle of working 40+ hours at my day job, then devoting whatever time and energy was left to my soap business. Oh yes, and I tried to have a life in the midst of it all. Being laid off is really the only way I can pop this thing into a higher gear. I am hoping that I don't have to collect unemployment insurance for more than a few months. I'll be working my tail off all year and I will probably have to give up most of my weekends for craft fairs and whatever events I can get myself into. I don't care. In the words of Black Flag, We are born with a chance. I will have my chance.

There is a bit of a caviat to all of this, however. Self employment could disqualify me from receiving UI (if they find out, and I don't plan on disclosing it). The irony is, Stella Marie could not exist without my publishing job. So, how do you explain this to the state of Massachusetts? It confuses me that a person who is highly motivated and wants to have a successful small business (collecting UI for as little time as possible) ought to be penalized while there are lots of people who stay on unemployment as long as they can while they half-heartedly look for a job. States should offer incentives for people seeking full time self employment. I'm going to suggest this to Obama right now.